... and the landscaping is done, too.
funny story: so last night i think my neighbor died or something ... basically, i was sound asleep and around 2:30 the police knock on my door to ask me questions about my neighbor. the following conversation ensues ...
cop: do you know your neighbor?
me: a little bit ... i've talked to her. what's going on?
cop: we can't find her and she's not responding when we knock.
me: hmm. what's the problem? is she okay?
cop: she is having problems with her medication ... have you seen her at all?
me in a perfect world: *it's 2:30 AM dipshit ... i have no clue where the neighborhood crazies are*
me: well, i was out here all day planting in these beds and i didn't see her.
cop: *pausing* yeah, man, it looks really good. really good!
HA! are you shitting me? there is a missing person who may or may not have ODed and you are admiring my landscaping?!? good lord ... let's hope i never have an emergency.
so, i watch the cops try six times to kick in the front door with no luck even though one of them probably weighed 280 punds and the other was around 240 ... pretend it's a sandwich, boys, and eat your way in! i guess they didn't notice the front door has plywood on it instead of glass ... i probably would have pushed against that instead of snapping my ankle against a deadbolt, but they have training for this type of thing, so why should i intervene, right? eventually they moved to the backdoor and it proved to not be very resistent. about 10 minutes later i saw the paramedics cart my neighbors limp body outside and onto a gurney. i am guessing that she really wasn't dead, because i think they don't move the body for a while when that happens and dudes in suits show up, etc. ... that's how it happens on tv, anyway. i noticed today that her dirty mutt was tied outside and i walked over to see if he had any water ... i had never been over there before and now i know why. it pretty much smelled like there was a dead body over there ... and of course the dog she used to let run ape shit all over the neighborhood had no food or water. it's water bowl had some kind of weird fleas and roaches in it so rather than fill it up, i took this huge bowl i had in the garage that i used to strip the wallpaper in my house and filled it with water. i think someone was over there tonight, though i really have no idea what happened to the chick who "lived" there ...
oh yeah, so the landscaping ... aight, getting tired of typing, so i am just going to show pictures from the left and right side of the sidewalk. the backrow on both sides are rhodedendrons, the borders are mums (red, then yellow, then purple, then white) and zinnas to fill in the area next to the steps.
left side.
... and ...
right side. oh, yes, those are garden gnomes at the end of the beds. BOO-YA!
and one more from the street because i like you:
fills out the front nicely ... will look great when the hydrangeas grow. a cop liked them ... and a few weeks ago the mailman told me i shouold win the "yard of the month" award for the village. let's hope you're right my parcel carrying friend. let's hope you're right.
cop: do you know your neighbor?
me: a little bit ... i've talked to her. what's going on?
cop: we can't find her and she's not responding when we knock.
me: hmm. what's the problem? is she okay?
cop: she is having problems with her medication ... have you seen her at all?
me in a perfect world: *it's 2:30 AM dipshit ... i have no clue where the neighborhood crazies are*
me: well, i was out here all day planting in these beds and i didn't see her.
cop: *pausing* yeah, man, it looks really good. really good!
HA! are you shitting me? there is a missing person who may or may not have ODed and you are admiring my landscaping?!? good lord ... let's hope i never have an emergency.
so, i watch the cops try six times to kick in the front door with no luck even though one of them probably weighed 280 punds and the other was around 240 ... pretend it's a sandwich, boys, and eat your way in! i guess they didn't notice the front door has plywood on it instead of glass ... i probably would have pushed against that instead of snapping my ankle against a deadbolt, but they have training for this type of thing, so why should i intervene, right? eventually they moved to the backdoor and it proved to not be very resistent. about 10 minutes later i saw the paramedics cart my neighbors limp body outside and onto a gurney. i am guessing that she really wasn't dead, because i think they don't move the body for a while when that happens and dudes in suits show up, etc. ... that's how it happens on tv, anyway. i noticed today that her dirty mutt was tied outside and i walked over to see if he had any water ... i had never been over there before and now i know why. it pretty much smelled like there was a dead body over there ... and of course the dog she used to let run ape shit all over the neighborhood had no food or water. it's water bowl had some kind of weird fleas and roaches in it so rather than fill it up, i took this huge bowl i had in the garage that i used to strip the wallpaper in my house and filled it with water. i think someone was over there tonight, though i really have no idea what happened to the chick who "lived" there ...
oh yeah, so the landscaping ... aight, getting tired of typing, so i am just going to show pictures from the left and right side of the sidewalk. the backrow on both sides are rhodedendrons, the borders are mums (red, then yellow, then purple, then white) and zinnas to fill in the area next to the steps.
left side.... and ...
right side. oh, yes, those are garden gnomes at the end of the beds. BOO-YA!and one more from the street because i like you:
fills out the front nicely ... will look great when the hydrangeas grow. a cop liked them ... and a few weeks ago the mailman told me i shouold win the "yard of the month" award for the village. let's hope you're right my parcel carrying friend. let's hope you're right.
posted by rainbows_unicorns_and_crystalmeth | 8:29 PM
2 Comments:
Am I crazy (don't answer that)? I thought they were rhodedendrons, not hydrangeas...anyway, I think it looks beautiful. Just like your beard.
Love,
Erin
you were right ... this time. don't let it get to your head. corrections have been made.
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